For my Mamas with boys who require haircuts and do not have a male figure to take them, what were your requirements for choosing the right barber?
My son is four and I’ll be honest, he’s had at least four barbers. It took about three years for us to find the right guy. I always thought that it was so odd that not enough women discussed their barbershop visits or experiences. As I became more familiar with it, I knew why; it was a man’s world. Now hear me out, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this! Men deserve to have their culture, their conversations and guy time in this experience. I respect that. I once had a friend of mine make the statement, “You have your therapy weekly and I have my barbershop appointment.” (Lol). I’ve always admired how wonderful that experience is for a man.
However, when you are a woman raising a son on your own.. where do you fit in with this world? My first few visits were intimidating and there was a lot for me to learn. In some cases, these guys simply don’t have time for that. They are busy, they want you to put the child in the chair, tell them what you want and keep it moving. There are some cases where they don’t believe you know what you want, how could you? So, they take lead and now you’re walking away with a cut you’re not happy with. Then there’s my favorite case, where your wants have been heard and the barber gives you suggestions based on your child’s head shape, texture of hair, and how long they are willing to sit still.
Here are my suggestions when choosing a barber:
1. Know what you’re talking about. Try to do as much research as possible on a good haircut and hair lines. This is very important when your son is young and still has “baby hair”.
2. Ask for recommendations with photos. You want to always see their work first.
3. If you have another child that will be attending the appointments to sit with you, try to choose an environment that will feel safe and inviting to other children. My daughter is always at my son’s appointments, his barber talks to him and her while we are there. He is as invested in her as he is with my son. When the visit is over, they both are awarded for their good behavior.
4. DO NOT GO ON A FRIDAY OR SATURDAY. If it’s your first visit, please avoid the most busiest days of the week. You will get rushed out of there and this will not be the best time to ask questions. I try to always book our appointments during the week.
5. Book an appointment. This will alleviate any issues with your child not wanting to sit still or the other child that’s waiting; growing impatient.
6. Choose a barber that’s patient and great with kids. If your child is young using a tablet or device may be helpful, but I’ve found that it’s also great to have a barber that interacts with them. They need to feel seen and heard. This is someone they will develop a relationship with. With kids, if they don’t feel comfortable; expect them to act up.
7. Environment! I am listing this again. What type of people does this place attracts? Is it conducive to the environment you’re building for your kids at home? Are you okay with the language, visuals, the vibe? If you’re uncomfortable, your kids will be too.
8. Time. Make sure you’re barber is using their time wisely. Punctuality is still a requirement. You arrive on time and so should your barber. For our appointments, we spend no more than 20 minutes at our visits. My son hops into the chair as soon as we walk in and we are out.
9. Tip your barber. Even if it’s 2-5 bucks! Tip them. They don’t have to allow your extra child to sit there nor do they have to entertain them or go the extra mile for your son. Finding a good barber can be tough, so when you do; show a little gratitude This will also make room for understanding.
10. It’s okay to voice something you don’t like. Do so respectfully, but please do not feel as though you cannot say when you are not happy with a cut. I would suggest to not hover over your barber while they are working, which is why the plan for your child’s style should be discussed prior to the cut.
With all of these things being said, it is still very important that everything you are requiring from your barber in terms of respect and safety, you yourself are giving that as well.
Barber credit to Will at Los Barbers Barbershop in Pooler, GA. Loc Style credit to DeAndrea Jackson at Mirror Image Extensions Bar & Boutique in Savannah, GA. Brand shirt by Tori Parker @dreamzexpressed on IG
When I shop for my home, I like to buy items that are affordable and child proof. If I spend more money, it’s for quality and longevity not for aesthetics. For our kitchen, I opted for a breakfast nook instead a traditional table. I liked the idea of home being inviting and comfortable; the nook brought that theme to our kitchen easily. It’s also easy for the kids to climb into, sit together and easy to clean. It can also take a few bumps and bruises without losing its charm. It also has storage space in the seats which is perfect for crafts and homework. Purchased from @badcockfurniture. The wall hangings were paintings done by myself and the clock was a gift. The rug and curtains both came from @target Going with a light colored rug is risky with the crumb snatchers, but the multicolored pattern is extremely forgiving. Today I stepped it up a bit by purchasing some $6 burlap fabric in @walmart to create a cheap and simple table runner. Best part? There’s so much left so if the kids have a spill I cant scrub out, I’ll cut another piece! The little flowers were purchased separately at $3.. also from @walmart. Pillows were purchased from @society6 and they are washable! We added the nice cake stand by @thepioneerwoman.. purchased for quality and longevity. I’m not a huge fan of plastic anything… this is how we do aesthetics in our home but still keep it child proof and comfy. #housedecor #interiordesign #aestheticallypleasing #savannahgeorgia #guytonga #southerncharm #southernliving #blackhomeowners #mamabear #momlife #livingwithtoddlers #breakfastnookdesign
Are you writing down your goals? Your desires? Ever since I can remember I’ve always kept a journal of some sort and I never realized the power of writing in terms of goals and dreams until I became a mom.
When my son was born, we struggled a lot to make ends meet. Prior to his birth, it was extremely hard to find a good position with benefits that would hire a pregnant woman. (They’re not supposed to do that—-but they do!) So from 2016-2019, I worked a few dead end positions. Childcare took a 75% of my check, but in order to have something coming in, I had to utilize childcare services. At this point I was paying over $1000 for childcare with government assistance (CAPS). Two kids, 18 months a part.. but hey, accountability right?
I’d joined a beautiful mentorship for single mothers back in 2018 (Shelter From The Rain- Savannah, GA) and my mentor took the hard job of telling me in a very blunt way that I did not make enough money to support my children. I am grateful for her honesty! I knew this, but I had to have been applying for at least 3-5 jobs a day consistently for 6-8 months straight. It was exhausting and I was discouraged.
At the top of 2019, I decided to do something different. I made my requests known to God. I know, it sounds crazy. I thought I was already doing that in my prayers, but when we pray sometimes we pray already defeated. Then we expect God to take that and make a miracle.. but where’s the faith? So this time I chose to think clearly about where I was financially and where I knew I needed to be. I thought If God could see clearly what I was asking for and so could I, then I would know exactly what to believe for and what to expect.
I sat at my temp job unhappy, but I pulled out two sticky notes and I wrote down my current bills and what I was making to cover those bills monthly. Then I wrote down what I desired my monthly bills to look like and how much I’d need to cover that.
When I got home, I put them in my journal and I decided to write in confidence of what I KNEW would take place according to God’s promise.. He did say he’d supply ALL of my needs. I closed my book and I left it alone. Not to worry, but to let go and let God.
14 days later, I received an offer for a FT position with paid vacation and sick days, full benefits (no more Medicaid for us!) and the pay EXCEEDED what I asked for. It was so surreal how quickly it happened that I almost did not believe it! Yet it changed our lives!
Write down your goals! Write it down as if it has already happened...
If you are in need of a new car.. “Thank you God for this brand new (put make, model and year) that you have blessed me and my family with..”
Be specific! Then walk away knowing it’s done!
The first photo is from Christmas 2018. The year before we’d been facing eviction and a few members of our family was gracious enough to take us in and offer a room to me and my children. That day I cried.. and I cried hard. I couldn’t wrap my mind around what was happening to me and my children. We’d end up having to let go of most of our belongings in storage and our dog in order for me to get back on my feet.
Two years later we would be celebrating Christmas in our own home that I purchased by myself. I spent a little over two years managing my money and researching the best way to invest it. No child support and no financial gifts given. Just a year of working a temp agency position and then a year of working a FT corporate position. I had so many people in my ear advising against this decision, but I refused for their fear to be projected onto what God had for me and my children.
This is why money management is vital to you and your children’s future. Decisions made now in regard to your spending can directly alter the future lifestyle for your family.
Don’t miss out on the upcoming Weekly Wine Down Money Management course!
The first “Weekly Wine Downs” registration is now live! I’ll be sharing my expertise on the subject of Money Management! If you have financial goals that you are working towards and want to develop a spending plan to begin working towards that; this is the training session for you! If you are constantly finding yourself in a disarray between paychecks wondering where your money has gone, I would love to help you! Having a clear plan for every dollar will help you to not only alleviate impulsive spending, but also save money and live more abundantly!
No personal financial information will be discussed. This is a group setting in the comfort of your home, where I will break down several topics that will address examples of weak points in spending, how to create an expense plan for your family, and tips on cutting down monthly costs. All of which will take place online!
As a mom of two, I know how quickly money can go if there is not a plan. I also understand how important it is to take care of needs and have funds to spend on your wants! This is a judgement free zone and I am here to help!
Please send an email to register to email@example.com! Can't wait to see you there!
When I made the decision to have children, I never thought that it would consist of me raising them and supporting them alone. This was never the plan that I’d envisioned for my life and most importantly, theirs.
I watched my mom make a way out of no way for years and though I admired that, I always wondered what life would’ve been like had she’d been able to work less, make more time for herself and those she loved.
I also felt the strain of not having a personal relationship with my father growing up and realized over time how that affected my view of men. Needless to say, I wanted more for my children.
There was a point in time where I was a wife. Taking care of home and still supporting us financially, but my daughter and unborn son had two parents within the home. After a while, that wasn’t enough. I chose to leave to give them a life, to put their mental and emotional well being first.
My world was turned upside down which forced me to re-learn everything. I started from scratch building a resume, working through temp agencies and companies that barely covered our needs, as well as learning how to juggle being a full time mom, a full time employee and healing my heart from a lot of loss.
In time I learned that being my kids’ only source of financial support as well their only active parent would take a toll on my well being.
I chose to research resources and programs that would allow me to navigate my world with more ease.
Therapy and spiritual balance was a must. Surrounding myself with influencers and mentors that knew more and could offer more, was a part of my daily lifestyle. I read more. Viewed more motivating content and also putting in more time to achieve every goal I’d set for my family.
As we began to grow, I saw that there were so many women who’d gone through what I went through but were not as fortunate enough to find their way out and up. I knew that for so many, it wasn’t about laziness but it was the lack of available resources or the knowledge that they even existed. They were exhausted and needed to feel empowered or needed to be connected to the right people.
I know that’s it’s common to feel as though that when one of us wins, it somehow decreases the probability of another win. I want to share with you how I know that is a lie. We can all win. I want to help take the negative connotation off of being a single mother and raise our chances of winning with grace while still giving our children everything they need and desire to be healthy and happy human beings.
I want to sit with you, pray with you and cry with you and tell you how you got this. Show you the steps that I took and how some days were hard, but my better days were greater. I want to share my knowledge with you and connect you to the right resources for your specific needs.
I’ll be having a group meeting for my Weekly Wine Down that will allow several women to meet up to receive thorough information on the topic of choice. Whether it’s home buying tips, divorce coping skills, navigating work life and full time mommy life, or money management skills to help you become a more powerful you. I’m here with insight and support!
Every other Sunday, I’ll be offering my “Kickin’ It With Kenyatta” Sunday brunch. A Mimosas & Mental Health meeting that will allow for moms to unload from their week. This is the opportunity for you to come and have a listening ear. I do understand that sometimes we just need to tell someone about our week. Bounce ideas off and receive feedback. My couch is your couch. I’m going to cook us up a great meal while you tell me about your week!
If a group setting is not your thing or maybe you just want more information on a topic or personal coaching on the services listed; then my private consultations will be offered. These will range from 3 hour crash courses to 4 week programs where I will walk you through achieving your goal.